I met with my daughter Aspen to go over some of the crazy stuff that is going on in my life, at adilas, and just in general. I'm feeling squeezed, stretched, burned out, and overloaded. This little exercise was very good and helped me put some thoughts and emotions into writing and on paper. It didn't automatically fix them, but I really feel like it helped. We bounced all over the place, but I wanted to record them for history sake. Sometimes we try to make everything smell all rosy when in reality, it can be very hard. 

We started out with - what do you do in a day? Then a week? Then a month? What are the pre-set things that happen all the time? Lots of good questions. This lead into us going over a rough schedule and talking about time and where it gets used and called for. These notes may be all over the place, but the general gist is there. Also, I did upload the scans of her notes - good meeting.

- Days off aren't really days offs, especially lately.

- Emotions: overloaded, stretched, no in the zone time, efficiency, so many transitions, nothing seems to end.

- Lots of my time gets taken up or scheduled by others. I have allowed that as a way to help the bigger picture. What do I do in the spare moments? 20-50 emails a day, 5-10 aren't that important, the rest need replies and/or action. I record notes from every meeting. I do enjoy this, but it does take time. Other times I have to track down bugs, help with servers, do maintenance, or do code sign off. Many of these are unscheduled and just expected, even if my normal schedule is full.

- The dreaded transitions - there is a transition between getting into a project, doing the project, and cleaning up or pulling out of a project. I have to switch gears all the time. You never really get deep into a zone. It is all surface stuff and transitions in/out and light doing. You don't feel super efficient or productive.

- Some of the notes that we take have some really good stuff in them. We go so fast, we hardly ever get to go back to them. If truth be told, there is a virtual gold mine in some of the notes, ideas, brainstorming, and documentation that we have gathered and/or have at our disposal. I would love to go back and learn from those things. It really is a gold mine.

- There is a pay disconnect. This exists not only for myself but also for Steve and others. We get paid about 1/3 of normal rates and wages. There is no incentive for working harder. The harder we work, the more gets piled on us. It's like digging in sand, you take some out and it just fills back in. I'm not sure of the answer, but there is a pay disconnect.

- Here are some of the tasks that I do: record notes, fix bugs, work on emergencies, servers and FTP stuff, databases, maintenance, code sign-off, planning, meetings, training, pay bills, emails, text and phone calls, decision making, consulting, code work, projects, graphics, helping others with their projects, being a cheerleader, helping to share the vision of where we are headed, quoting projects with Cory and Steve, coming up with requirements, writing new content (sales, tech support, adilas university stuff). Business meetings, advising, sounding board, talking, interviewing, customer tech support, client meetings, organize events, day dreaming, and helping the developers and designers with their projects.

- I kinda feel like I've been taken advantage of... there is a huge vacuum that needs to be filled. Way more work than any one person could possibly do. I'm willing to help but I feel that I get sucked in and loaded up because I'm willing to do it. Over time, that becomes a problem and adds stress, anxiety, and burnout. We've got to share the load.

- Some of these things won't go away and that's fine. The biggest problem is time. If you don't have time to do these things, they build up and create almost insurmountable barriers. You still have to do them, but it feels like there is no time. Problems begin to become excuses. That is at least how it begins to feel.

- Here are a few of the things that add stress (no specific order): demands, required but unscheduled tasks, multiple servers, bugs, maintenance (monotonous), transitions lessen productivity, willing to help but getting taken advantage of, vacuum, independents and lack of stability, finances and bootstrapping (fun for awhile but not for 10-20 years of that), no budgets, changing finances and funding, everything is just in time, soo much potential - it clouds your focus, and issues with clients and business verticals (say medical cannabis or other business verticals).

- Towards the end of the meeting, Aspen was asking me about plans and the future... I'm not sure what it will be... but I'd really like it to head in this direction. Going from dreams to goals to reality, getting a great core team going and in place, be able to divide and conquer, be able to focus more, have a positive outlook (vs being somewhat depressed or down), making smart investments in people and products, get the servers stabilized and snappy, eventually do a full product rewrite, and go from a transitional system (current model) into more of an aggregated or summarized type system. I don't have to build the whole thing, I just want to help plan it and teach it and share the vision of where we are headed. Lots of good options.